There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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