PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
