No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
