I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
