Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
