My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
