I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
