hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
