Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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