6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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