chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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