Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
