Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
