Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
