she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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