My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
