would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
