That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
