Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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