I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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