smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I believe in your delicious
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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