just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
