i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
