I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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