Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
