I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
foreskin is a definite game changer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
