New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
