Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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