Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
