Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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