I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
