I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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