We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
