ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Actions speak louder than pants.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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