3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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