Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
