he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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