Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
