Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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