I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
