i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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