booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
