My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
