My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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