I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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