I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
