So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
