The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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