I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
