bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
