i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
