adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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