so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I deserve this hangover.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
